Manly Communication

Men have been unjustly maligned, and I think I know the culprit. Women. In fact, some women may even go so far as to disagree with what I say. I know, hard to believe. Just goes to show you how intent women are in unjustly maligning us.

For instance, it is common hearsay, started by a woman I am sure, that men don't communicate or, for those who try, don't communicate well. I am here to set the record straight. In fact, I intend to prove, once and for all, that men want to communicate, are open to communication, and often attempt to initiate deep communication, but that women- yes, women- purposefully ignore our attempts to initiate communication.

If you are a woman, think back. -If you are a man, you can go blank here and pick back up at the, “You're welcome,” a few paragraphs down. Trust me, you won't miss anything.- Think back to the time your man was right there in front of you, holding the refrigerator door open, staring into it, with a puzzled, confused look on his face. You knew what was coming. A question. A question along the lines of, “Where is the ketchup?” Of course, it could have been a question about the whereabouts of the butter, the mayo, the mustard or the milk. All those things tend to pick up and move themselves around at random.

Now it is time for some hard truth and complete honesty. What did you think at that moment? What was the thought that went through your head? Be honest. Wasn't it something along the lines of, “You idiot, it is in the door, top self, right next to the chocolate syrup, right where it ALWAYS is!”? Yes, of course, you were much too diplomatic to say anything so demeaning. Instead you said, “It is in the door, top self, right next to the chocolate syrup, right where it always is,” only implying he was an idiot.

I'm sure you now understand your man much better.

What?! You STILL don't see it?! Okay, let me spell it out.

Your man is not blind. He is not helpless. He is trying to pull you into a deep, meaningful conversation. He knows where the ketchup is. Of course he does. What he is really saying is, “You mean the world to me. What do you want to talk about tonight? Where is the ketchup?”

Yes, every time you've accused your man of being uncommunicative, you should have been pointing that finger at yourself. Shame. Shame on you.

Of course, this isn't just a refrigerator issue. The same dynamics play out in the closet, a toolbox or a pantry shelf when he seems to be looking for a shoe, a screwdriver or the tea bags.

The question is, how should you respond? You want to use this opportunity to engage your man in the way that will be the most meaningful to him, that will encourage him to keep wanting to open these vital lines of communication and will build your relationship to the pinnacle of bliss. What you want to say is, now listen carefully, “Darling, the ketchup is in the door, top self, right next to the chocolate syrup.”

You're welcome.