The Cure For Baldness

I have such wonderful friends. They are always looking out for me. Always thinking about what is best for me. Always trying to build me up in every way.

One friend recently told me that I spread sunshine wherever I go. What is sweeter is that she said it in a way that would not embarrass me in front of other people. Her approach was really ingenious, both complementing my disposition and showing how sensitive she is to my embarrassment over public compliments.

I was in a hallway conversation when this sensitive friend passed by and said...and what is sweeter yet is that this was totally out of the blue...she said, “You need a hat. That shine off your head is blinding me.” What an unique way of complementing my radiance while not embarrassing me by the compliment.

Another friend, somehow under the impression that my radiance was due to a balding spot and not from my glowing personality, told me she had the prefect cure for my “cute spot.”

By the way, I shall use “balding spot” in place of “bald spot” since “balding” sounds so much better than “bald”. I have another friend to thank for that suggestion. Thank you, Vicky. I hope my friend who called it a “cute spot” is not offended, I would hate to offend anyone. However, I want to save “cute spot” for the high probability that someone will use that term for some other cute spot on my body. I want to avoid any future confusion.

My “cute spot” friend said I should covert to Judaism. I stared at her like a goat on sedatives, so she explained. She said my balding spot is about the size of a yarmulke or skull cap, and pointed out that if I converted to Judaism I could wear a yarmulke everywhere to cover my balding spot. I think she has something.

The great thing about this Judaism and yarmulke idea, apart from the whole religious conversion and circumcision thing, is that it fulfills my “you need a hat” friend's desire for me to wear a hat, makes it appropriate to wear said hat anywhere and everywhere, yet does so with the smallest hat possible, thus avoiding overheating. That, my friends, is an elegant solution. Simplicity and effectiveness combined.

Never one to let a good idea go unchanged, I think we can improve it, keeping the elegance of the yarmulke solution while getting rid of the need to convert and cut (I'll just say C&C in future references). I am relatively certain that the conversion would go against my religion. The cutting would go against my...let's just say I don't think it's going to cut it.

My improvement: take the basic yarmulke and sew hair onto it. That would give me a relatively cheap toupee, and if anyone noticed the change I could simply claim it's a cashmere yarmulke with extra long fibers. Plus, by using a yarmulke, I would eliminate the need to use spray-on hair, officially called hair color thickener and sometimes derisively called hair-in-a-can. At $1.99 a can, this will save me a ton.

Or would. If I used the stuff. Don't even know what it is.

Shalom, out.